There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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