put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I sprained my soul last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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