That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize