My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
