So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
3 2 1 whiskey
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
