just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
