yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
