For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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