I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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