I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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