even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
