bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
