She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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