So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
