So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
