I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
