i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
