i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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