If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
