I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
