My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
