I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize