So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
