did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
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