i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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