Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize