let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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