I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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