i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
