11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
