Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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