waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize