For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
