I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
