That's intense
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
