thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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