So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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