I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
