I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize