Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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