Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize