the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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