He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
