Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You pole danced in your parka.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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