and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She's JV to your varsity
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
