Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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