Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he fucked my hip out of place.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
