i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
