Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
