Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
