first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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