Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
