franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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