It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
