He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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