Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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