I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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