So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
