she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You need Xanax blowdarts
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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