just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
