Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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