I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
