thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
