I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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