obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
