What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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