how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
