My first STD was from a foam party
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
