ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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