sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
